Hurt

I'm sure we have all been hurt once or twice somewhere along the way. By a family member, a boyfriend, or even your best friend. Often the hurt they caused can be forgotten and you can move on as if nothing ever happened. But then there are those rare occurrences where you have been cut so deeply into your heart that you can feel nothing but the nearly unbearable pain you have to endure. When these moments come around, we tend to not know what to do because we have never experienced anything quite like it, like we were punched in the stomach and the wind was knocked right out of you. It's an awful feeling and I honestly hope none of you have to ever experience it. For those of you have or are, I'd like to say I have some great advice for you and some wise words that will just make everything seem okay again. I don't. Not a clue. My only conclusion is that you have to be close enough for someone to hurt you so the only way to never get hurt again is to never become close to anyone ever again. And that's what has happened to me. I've been completely ruined and I surely hope they are happy. I don't trust anyone; even the ones I love the most. It's weird to not trust anyone and its hard to not become too close with anyone. Life is a long path of disappointment and let downs. So never expect anything highly of anyone because you can't, you never can. Human beings are the most selfish of individuals ever created; we live in a very sad life. But what gets me through is God.

Romans 12:9-21 really put things into perspective for me last night and I encourage everyone to read it.

today.

I'm not complaining here; just so we're clear. But if I do say so, my life at this moment is quite stressful. People, school, family, friends, and random strangers are all seeming to get on my nerves, totally stressing me out. But whatever, right? I can totally handle whatevers thrown at me. 'Hit me with your best shot'; how cliche. lol. Well like I said, I'm so stressed. See I really need some brown tights, but apparently no one seems to own a pair, so it looks like I'll be taking a trip to wal-mart soon. Don't get me wrong I love LOVE wal-mart [wal-fart]; its actually my happy place, random shopping and all; but I don't think thats a good place to go when I'm getting aggravated with random strangers. lol.

What are we searching for?

We spend about 35% of our life searching for love; something that may not even exist. So why do we waste all this time? Well hate to say it, but I don't have the answer to that. But I do know that maybe we should change our strategy. Maybe we should let {love} find its way to us. Just a little something for you to think about...

Define:happiness

happiness: /ˈhæpinɪs/ -noun [hap-ee-nis] ;state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy
We all experience this common emotion on a daily basis, but what IS happiness. Of course this feeling is different in everyone, brought on by simple things such as a field of flowers, a walk on the beach, or simply the joy of waking up each morning. Everyone is different, so what is your definition of 'happiness'? I'd say happiness, to me, is living life to the fullest, always eager to learn, and simply loving simple thinks because sometimes the simplest things in life are the most beautiful; peacocks and tulips for example. Feeling the warm sun on my skin, or the cool air rush against me as I step outside the door. Laughing when absolutely nothing is even funny; being who I am because I couldn't care less what the guy next door thinks about me. That's happiness; so today I lived my life to the fullest [even when things didn't quite turn out the way I had exactly hoped] and tomorrow, I plan to do the same.

Quotes to make you smile:)

"Be the change that you want to see in the world." -Ghandi

"High School is like a spork: it's a crappy spoon and a crappy fork, so in the end it's just plain useless." -John Mayer-

"When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams."

-Dr. Seuss

"Being perfect is not about that scoreboard out there. It's not about winning. It's about you and your relationship with yourself, your family and your friends. Being perfect is about being able to look your friends in the eye and know that you didnt let them down because you told them the truth. And that truth is you did everything you could. There wasnt one more thing you could've done. Can you live in that moment as best you can, with clear eyes, and love in your heart, with joy in your heart? If you can do that gentleman - you're perfect!"

-Friday Night Lights

"Love is not a feeling, it's an ability."
-Dan in Real Life

"Don't forget. I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy...asking him to love her."
-Notting Hill

"Do you ever put your arms out and just spin and spin and spin? Well, that's what love is like. Everything inside of you tells you to stop before you fall, but you just keep going."
-Practical Magic

"I want you to take a moment, and I want you to look each other in the eyes. I want you to put each other in your hearts forever because forever is about to happen here in just a few minutes. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to think about Boobie Miles, who is your brother. And he would die to be out there in that field with you tonight. And I want you to put that in your hearts. Boys my heart is full. My heart is full."

-Friday Night Lights

Fairy Tale vs. Reality:

What is love, really? We are only human so we expect the most from the opposite sex, when truthfully they are barely human. Why do we waste our time dwelling on one stupid guy when "there are plenty of other fish in the sea?" Well that's simple: because its exciting. Yep that's it its so compelling. Seriously. Think about it. I try so hard not to like any guys. Everyday i wake up and say "Okay TODAY i will get over him; completely." I never do. It crushes my heart and this pain so deep its nearly unbearable passes over me. I hate waking up in the morning knowing its just like any other day, but hoping that maybe, JUST maybe, today will special, different. But again I am disappointed by the utter-humility i feel for myself. I am 14. Yes its true so young, A whole life ahead of me and everything. But me, I cant wait to grow up. Part of me longs to be adored, to be loved by someone special. But then, I feel a stronger part of me just wants to be alone. I like having freedom. I enjoy being independent. It's who i am, really. I don't NEED a guy, but i want one? I don't know if that's exactly true, but then i don't even know if love is true. Some things you just have to let go. You have to accept the truth; love is not for everyone. And when it is, it usually doesn't turn out the way you thought. It's like you don't know what to believe; you're just in this world where nothings perfect. Its a strange place we live in. Yes there are those people who live in fairy tales day in and day out, but someday you have to wake up and realize this is reality. Nothing is ever perfect, ever. You have to accept it. It may be hard to realize that happily-ever-afters, they don't exist, and prince charming isn't real, oh and your dreams are always going to be better than the real world. These are facts. If you can find a way to escape this reality, then you; well you have made a miraculous discovery.
I don't know what to believe. I'm doubting everything I ever believed about love. What is the difference between fairy tales and reality really? Is it maybe possible they're the same? AT this point in my life, I have no idea.

I hate you.

I totally over-exaggerated;
I made a huge mistake.
It never really occurred to me,
That i could be so fake.
I wish i hadn't said it.
To her face or maybe not;
It is very much the same to me.
But i did; i said it.
Maybe not to her face;
But i told someone,
And now its out,
For everyone to see.
I wish to take it back today,
But it already remains true.
I lied you see;
But whats worse is that,
I didn't have a clue.
I told a fib.
It was selfish of me,
To say what i didn't mean.
I was just so angry,
I didn't think.
It just came out
And i couldn't sift those awful words.
So now i just have to say;
I'm sorry, there i said it now,
But it cant revise the pain.
Three words can fill you up with guilt,
So careful what you say.

OUR DEEPEST FEAR...

Marianne Williamson wrote, " Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." This is by far my favorite quote. I think because it is so true. We live our life not wanting to be noticed, but why? Why would we shrink ourselves to a point where we go unnoticed? What is life unlived? I think part of us thinks it may be easier to ''lay low'', but then again another part wants to be heard. So which part is going to dominate you today?

UNTITLED.

I was never that girl that everyone liked, and I absolutely did not like everyone. Sure, I put up with them, but that didn't mean I liked them. I never had a fairytale prince, but I dreamed about them every night. I read love stories and watched people fall in love in movies to escape my pitiful reality. Even for that short moment, because that one moment was magical. I truly believed with a passion, true love did exist. However, it wasn't something handed to you; you had to work hard to achieve what you desired. True love was out there, I knew that. I knew, too, that my prince was searching for me, and I, like every other girl in this world, was searching for him. The truth of the matter is, this prince, who makes everything so perfect, so everlasting, is not as east to come by as implied in all those pretty little love songs. So I, with every single woman behind me, was on the search for everlasting love.